I wrote this a few days ago…I think it is still a work in progress
My frustration is building at my inability to have any real effect upon the communities that I am working in. The other day [when I started writing this post] I literally almost started crying out of exasperation at the situational factors that exist here. I think there are numerous factors that have contributing to my rising frustration…the most pressing being the gender work that I am trying to incorporate into my thesis, and the very personal connections that I have to it.
I think a number of aspects started to come together that swelled and intertwined to form a near breaking point. The first is that I am reading a book on the Zina regulations [which is about the moral regulation of women, basically it is the regulations that make fornication and adultery crimes against the state of Pakistan…the regulations are highly contested in Pakistan, especially among women’s groups, especially because rape is subsumed under the zina category, meaning that ‘if coercion cannot be proved, the victim becomes an offender who has enjoyed illicit sexual activity’ the punishment could be jail, fines, lashes, and being stoned to death [this has never occurred though due to national and international pressures] however women have condemned to it]. A female Pakistani academic who now lives and works in Canada has authored the book, her name is Shahnaz Khan. And among the many things that she highlights as limitations and frustrations is writing a book about Zina regulations that might reinforce the negative ‘western’ conceptions of Pakistan. She tries to emphasize that work within Pakistan is being done about these unfair regulations, and it does not reflect the whole of Pakistan, nor does her writing conflict with her religion as a Muslim or the Islamic religious basis of Pakistan. Within this same vein I feel conflict, as I have greatly enjoyed my time in Pakistan thus far, have been treated with nothing but respect and kindness, and have met many women that are highly educated and working to improve the conditions of women in Pakistan, but yet still come upon large gender disparities that hurt my soul [I don’t know any other way to describe it]. I also recognize that this is not a limitation of Pakistan, or Pakistani culture, nor is it a symptom of Islam. Rather, I think Islam is used as a vehicle to perpetuate the ideas of men in power, that want to stay in power, and it is supported through the large poverty here which breeds a lack of education and awareness of women’s rights.
I realize that my opinions come from a first world place, not grounded in a specific religious doctrine. That my view is one from that of an educated women, afforded the same opportunities of any men that I grew up with, and that my birth was not colored by disappointment in my gender [I hope]. I also realize that women in my culture can be subject to the same abuses, degradation and oppression that occurs here [which could almost be considered to be a worse offense in that we are afforded a free education that should protect us from such ignorance of inequality]. Yet all this does not change my frustration at what I see around me. That women are denied education and basic human rights and dignity. Again I believe this is more a symptom of the impoverished communities and conditions and not necessarily a reflection of a problem culturally specific to Pakistan.
For me, one of the most startling disparities is the treatment and respect that I am given, while the same cursory courtesy is not extended to the women in their own families. My position as a foreigner from a respectable institution gives me both the advantage of being considered worthy of their time and respect [even to a certain degree their admiration] yet the disadvantage of being easily dismissed because of my lack of understanding of their situated reality. From my position I can discuss with them the increasing responsibility of women, yet their complete lack of representation in the management of the resources, and they may say all the right things…‘that of course women should be considered as our equal and should have a meaningful role in management of resources and society as a whole…that they want to empower women’, but when I interrogate what ‘empowerment’ means they begin to talk in circles. This is where my frustration starts to build, empowerment of women is not some politically correct party line that I need to be fed to feel better as a foreign women visiting Pakistan…it is a reality I want to see. It is a reality that the women of Pakistan want to see…for themselves, their daughters and their sisters.
So I dive deeper into the gendered hole I am digging in this room full of men, CBOs [community based organizations…or maybe WWFs way of propping up an already existing feudal system of power…I am not quite sure yet]…if they are humor me with respectful answers I might as well try and provoke them to humor in a way they have not thought about before. I pester onwards…‘What are the obstacles and threats of women meeting, of women having a voice in the community…having a say in how their resources that they increasingly contribute in producing are managed?’. Platitudes are produced, ‘It is unfair, it is our mistake…’ I am uninterested in what you think you should tell me. But the more I prod, the deeper they have to dig, the more reality I hope I am beginning to access. They begin to answer with honest observations of their surroundings, ‘It is a male dominated culture, and women’s role is in the house and with the children. It is an honor issue, what will other men say about outspoken women, challenging their power, they will make suggestions about their impurity, conflict will ensue.’ They also joke [in that way that jokes reflect a reality that you are somewhat embarrassed/uncomfortable to admit is true] that ‘women would stop performing their pre-defined roles in society, and the household would fall apart…who would cook their meals?!’
As they humor me and themselves with little jokes I start to see a larger picture come together. I know that their exists this cultural hurdle that I will never quite make it over, and that maybe I will never be taken completely seriously, but through our interaction they have a conception of what women are capable of. Even if it exists at a surface level, they see the possibility of women, and hopefully start to recognize this capability in their own wives and daughters. Even more importantly I hope that women begin to realize these capabilities in themselves. Maybe there begins a scratch in the surface…
